i you haven't noticed...

My blogs all seem to have a common trend. My kids and family... not that that is a bad thing. Family and kids are the 2 things that can bring you the most joy and the most pain. That in itself seems ironic to me. I try hard to be everything to everybody and I have finaly realized that you can't be. I love ALL my kids dearly, I try to be there for each of them . I wish things were different and Bruce and I were in a different place, where we had more time to spend just being grandparents, I think I mentioned in an earlier blog how I always had a vision of what being a parent would be like, I also had a vision of what the perfect grandparent looks like. Well I have failed that one too! I think if we were retired, had $$$ we would be the kind of grandparents that we long to be. If we didn't have a younger child ourselves,didn't both have jobs, and a mother to take care of along with everything that goes with that, we (I) would be the perfect grandmother! But since life got in the way it ruined that plan.Don't misunderstand me, I wouldn't change having Jade at all, she has and is such a blessing and brings such joy to our lives, couldn't imagine not having her! But I have realized no matter how much I try, and how much I am there for them....well lets just say if I were in jail nobody would send me money,write,visit or accept calls....just an example! That was alittle random! I just struggle with not being able to be there in the way I would like to be, even though I am where I need to be! Does that make sense????