tired....................................

I'm just tired. Mind,Body and Soul tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just a thought

I read my niece Alex's blog...the one about Granddaddy O. It brought back many thoughts of those last day's. I for one will never forget standing at the end of the table in the doctors office at Duke...and him going in to cardiac arrest, and being the one to catch him keeping him from hitting the ground as his eyes rolled back.Something I never want to see again! That was the very first time it dawned on me that none of us are here forever. He was a good man,one of the best men I know, and he loved me, with all my crazy way's and all. And he loved his grand kids all of them. But I think Nicholas held that special place in his heart.

see.......I told you I was bad at this

It has been a month since I last wrote! I told you I was bad at this.I have good intentions, really! Maybe that is where my oldest son gets that from, I really believe that he has good intentions...I am sure of it. But for the life of him he can't follow through on MOST things! For many reason's this has been a very hard month.I feel like I am always complaining, and I don't mean to, I really don't mind helping people, I think it's just when it seems to go unappreciated, that it really bothers me. My mom is a very needy person ALWAYS has been, and in her defense she has needed help this past year, and we have been there, and there and there!BUT she wants me there all the time, for crazy stuff,(I should drive a 70 mile trip just for bread) and I can't go everyday....THINGS ARE TIGHT!!!!!!Nobody seems to understand that!But who would when someone does everything for you???My dad died in Feb. of 2008. I'm missing him too! He left things unfinished in so many ways...in ways I would have never believed! I just never would have believed I I (we) would have to take care of my mom! But I miss being able to talk to my dad! That's all...
I just finished a really good book...Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children. It is a great book by the way! If you only knew how many books I've read to learn how to do just that....I'll let you know when I figure it out!

Gloomy

What a "NASTY" day. It seems as if it has rained alot lately! For the most part I really don't mind the gloomy weather. As long as we can stay in, but having to travel back and forth to school in this is for the birds. Jade had school today, most kids were out today, she didn't really mind she loves school....probably mostly
because she can socialize...she loves it!
I did get to have lunch with Cassie and the kids yesterday...Olive Garden Yum!!! It was her and the boy's it was fun, I can't believe how fast they are growing up! They are the cutest things and so full of personality!! Even Oliver, Harper was at school
she was missed for sure! I love spending time with Cassie, she has become a Friend and that makes it so special! And Guess what??? Nick cleaned the house...I know what a great surprise! What a GREAT DAY!

If I could only do what my heart wants too!

Do you ever feel like you aren't in charge of your own life? Surely I'm not the only one that feels that way. Cassie invited me to come to lunch with her and Calvary and Oliver, and of course Davis...by the way in case you didn't know is the little boy I keep. He's my job, and like everyone else with a job , I have to do my best!
Because I would much rather go to lunch with Cassie and the kids...I don't get to spend near the time with them I would like to. But it would be a nightmare. You and I both know it. So once again I am on her list I'm sure. I am sorry, I'd love to go.... There is nobody else I'd rather spend time with, I love you guy's!

Shopping with my mom....

Today was a day I wasn't really looking forward to. I mean AT ALL!!! It was the day that I take my mom grocery shopping, and those of you that have done it know "it takes soooooooooooo long!!!She reads every label, she studies who knows what???? Picks up ,puts down, who buys 1 roll of toilet paper????? 1 roll for $1.25...4 rolls for $ 2.89. And believe me she needs more than 1 roll. But that's how she does everything...so it takes forever...and it did! 4 hours...yep. Then home to put them away and help with the house work....I keep telling myself one day I will be old! I will be honest I don't like it alittle bit, I said I wanted to write what I really feel. So does this make me a bad daughter? PROBABLY!

I wanted to do this blog as a journal of sorts...I'm not very good at writing. Anytime I have attempted to keep a journal I ALWAYS end up writing what I think I should feel rather that what I actually feel...but I feel a urgent need to have something for my children....ALL of them!!!
You know as a parent a mother I think especially, we always say we love our kids the same.But we don't really...we love them all so, so, so , very much. More than we had ever imagined we could love anything, and it is always unconditional